sadness:

This whole week has been so sad. On top of my personal depressing issues, my chemistry teacher's son was in the hospital, and Mr. Johnson died. I found all of this out on teusday and was shocked. I couldn't believe any of it. I mean, I just saw Mr. Johnson last friday all happy and alive. He was such a great Biology teacher, I really liked him. All this tragic news has really got my thinking about life; it's just not fair. My chemistry teacher's son didn't deserve to be sick and Mr. Johnson didn't deserve to die. I just don't know why these things happen to good people. It's just no fair. :[

having patience:

Yesterday, I went to go watch my friends volleyball tournament at Manoa. I knew that it would be a bitter-sweet situation because even if I would be around the awesome volleyball atmosphere, I would have to resist temptation. It wasn't too bad in the begginning but when it came to the championship game, I think God was REALLY testing my temptation. I couldn't stand sitting down and watching because the intensity was so hify and contagious. Well, contagious for me because when I play, I get super intense and loud; I just love being it those situations. I love game pressure, most people don't like it because it lowers their self confidence. But for me, I feed off of it, but I can't even play! Other than having awesome entertainment, I got to see my really good friends that were on my club team last year. I miss then so much and they kept telling me how much they miss our old team. Ultimately, I really do believe that God is trying to teach me how to be patient so, I just have to trust him.

this i believe draft:

I believe that God has a purpose for everything that happens in your life, even the bad ones. About 1/2 a year ago, I was enduring the most nerve-racking try-outs for the varsity volleyball team. I didn't make it the year before, and after the heart breaking new I cried for days. There was nothing in the world that I wanted more than to be a freshman varsity player, but sometimes you can't get what you want. I trained very hard the next season and was determined to make vars as a sophomore. A year had past and the coaches needed to cut two more outside hitters from the team. I felt pressure from every inch of my body and constantly thought that in order to prove myself worthy enough, I had to play perfect volleyball; no errors, all kills. That's how I felt for every suicide, weight lifting session, practice, and game. It was all-out perfection or failure. One mistake and I started to break down mentally. But luckily, I pulled through and made the team; it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Things seemed to turn around and go great; I had an awesome team, great teammates, we all got along well, and I got good playing time (something that I honestly thought that I wouldn't get as a sophomore.) September 8th came around and we were having a hitting competition. The next day was going to be our first season game against UH lab. I couldn't wait and gave everything I had in practice. I was winning the competition, went up for a kill, and got it. Unfortunately, when I came down, my right leg went left while my body leaned right. I heard a "pop" and my whole right leg felt numb. After all the trainers tested for if I tore my ACL, I came out negative. It was a relief because ACL's are the worst ligament to tear. Even though the trainers said that turning out negative for the ACL test was good news, I knew that I would be out for some time and was immidiately sad. Two weeks later, I took an MRi to confirm that I did something to my MCL which took about three weeks to heal. Then a month later, I got my MRi results and found out that I COMPLETELY tore my ACL. I couldn't believe it, all these trainers and people told me there was no way in hell that my ACL could have even be slightly sprained and there it was in black and white. That was the worst day of my life. I couldn't keep it together, not even at school because all my friends and teammates were going to ask me what it was. Life wasn't fair, I hated life, I hated God. But in the end, all of this was my fault because I didn't put God first. Volleyball was my God and I didn't let anything interfere with my passion, not even family. I just wish that I learned the easy way than going through this whole experience. Although I regret having torn my ACL, I am learning alot through this experience. I'm sorry God, I hope you can forgive me.

question:

whats the purpose of each persons life?

this i believe:

music makes me come alive:
Joan Tower believes that music nourishes out inner souls, gives us public permission to share things, connects people to others, and expresses yourself in different ways. It was interesting how she connected music to politics because I always thought that music was a way to display your current emotion. Other than that connection, I do agree with her that music is a very important part of life because it makes me feel in a way emotionless. Every sad thought, angry thought, happy thought, and whatever is going through my mind can relate to different types of songs. If I am feeling depressed, then Emo music is what I would listen too. But, if I feel really hyphy and excited, then Hip-Hop/R&B is right for me. Like Joan, I honestly don't know what I would do without music. Honestly, it's everywhere we go, in the car, bags, heads, schools. It's my life saver and best friend.

utterly humbled by mystery:
Father Richard Rohr believes in mystery and multiplicity. He is a very religious man that trusts in god and knows that everything happens for a reason. This particular essay was of interest to my because I am religious and don't always know why God does things in my life. He believes that faith will keep us motivated to go through the mysteries of life. But I have a hard time to cope with difficult situations. Since my knee injury, I was very angry at God because it seemed unfair for him to allow this to happen to me. I really thought that I didn't deserve it because I was being a good person. Not knowing what would happen to me in the future after my surgery has always been and will continue to be one of the biggest mysteries in my life.

failure is a good thing:
Jon Caroll believes that failure is a good thing because it teaches us important lessons and we should not dwell within our unsucessful goals. It is true that alot of students at Punahou are always striving to do their best. One bad grade, and they think that their parents will yell at them. In fact, some people think that a B+ is bad. [I'll be honest and say that I am one of those people who think a B+ is bad] But you know, I can't help it. Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to do better than my best. If I made one little mistake, then I would get upset at myself and didn't realize until after my ACL situation that this mindset makes my performance worse. Tearing my ligament was a huge dissapointment and failure in my life. Maybe even my biggest failure. However, I have learned alot from this experience and in a way thankful that I got it because now, I'm working ten times harder just to get back on the court. I have never been so disciplined in every aspect of my life and I give all the credit to god.

HiStoRy: matthew west.

you've had a bad day, you've been looking back
and all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
all your mistakes, a world of regrets
all of those moments you would rather forget
i know it's hard to believe
let me refresh your memory

chorus:
yesterday is history
and history is miles away
so leave it all behind you
but let it always remind you of the day
the day that love made history

you know you can't stay right where you fell
the hardest part is forgiving yourself
but let's take a walk into today
and don't let your past get in the way

repeat chorus

would you believe that you are history
in the making, in the making
every choice that you are making
every step that you are taking
every chain that you are breaking
history is in the making
every word that you are saying
every prayer that you are praying
every chain that you are breaking
history is in the making history is in the making.

water buffalo video:

After watching Robert Thompson's video, I felt very touched. Every aspect of it had a very warm and kind atmosphere that reaches out to the viewer; particularly the song. I don't really know why but the song in the video made me feel very sad throughout the whole thing. I didn't realize how much a Water Buffalo is of value in China because in America, we take animals for granted. Despite house animals, we usually put them in cages and admire them for entertainment purposes. America is so fortunate that we have advance technology to help us with our jobs. But in China, animals are their technological aid. It's sad to see poor people that have to work so hard to get a little in return. Working hard in America is nothing compared to working in China. In fact, I don't think I go live the rest of my life working that hard. As for the poor family that recieved the Water Buffalo, I couldn't imagine living in such a condition. My heart felt very bad for the little girl and father because the mom committed suicide. It made me curious to know why she killed herself. Was it because living in China was to hard to handle? Or was there another reason that could lead to ending her life? Ultimately, no matter what the reason was, I think that it was very wrong of her to kill herself because no child deserves to be left without a mom. Sadly, this situation isn't a rare one; it happens all throughout China. Something must be done to help others because living like the poeple in China seems like hell. Robert Thompson's kindness made me feel like I should do something for the needy too. His way of conveying his message was more welcoming and causes people to follow. Unlike Singer's essay which was very demanding and harsh. Even though I felt that I should help out after reading his essay, I didn't really like the tone in which he conveyed it. I didn't want to do anything extreme like not going out to dinner or watching a movie because those lines were too extreme. However, Thompson's message made me feel like I should donate my money to charities out of the goodness of my heart and not because he told me I had too. It would be my own choice to help and in the end, giving from the bottom of your soul is more rewarding than giving because someone told you to.